sighh.. :)

it's early. i know. but i didn't get to write last nite bcos i was so into this korean mtv play sher gave me. it was beautiful.

yesterday went fine. went to foodland in the morning to buy melons for the pot luck that nite. didn't feel like going but it was too late to back out. aaron n lenny had prepared food so much. but i had fun in the end. eric did his magic tricks n entertained us. had easy talking and socializing around. then gave a call to helena n wanting to visit her hsemate's cats. yayy !! they were beautiful. kaka and dida. kaka was soooo huge he reminds me of mowkie straight away. he's fat and big boned. and very very very manja. dida has mowkie's character. suspicious, very playful, active and cautious. doesn't like to be cuddled either. felt really good afterwards. then we went home and the topic of the night was love. again. well can't help it since sher n hendrik were in talking terms now but not as close as before. maybe it was something i said. i duno. he definitely doesn't treat her as "special" anymore and he looks more like a friend to her. sher cried last nite and she said she asked him if he still regards their relationship as "god brother-sister" and he said he doesn't wanna answer that question. maybe he has a glint of interest towards her but i don't know. hard to say. i think i put some sense into izmia's head last nite regarding her 6-years wait of the maldivian guy she fell so much for. at least i hope i did. i said it's not self-worthy to put urself waiting at his feet for long when you already know there's no chance of you and him together. jules agreed.

then that made me think abt hope. like my boo said, sometimes.. hope truly is the one that hurts us most. i couldn't put that into sher but i think i did into izmia's. i hope i did. she just needs some self confidence and self esteem and be more self accepting abt herself.

i'm now stuck with this korean mtv and the song's beautiful too. last nite i fell asleep at 2.30am listening to it over n over again and kept it on the whole nite. thinking if true love exists. and how wonderful it is. but is it possible? can one love and hurt at the same time? at times i think i'm missing something. i can't really put my finger on what yet. at times, i think it's ideal love. the ideal love that i picture and create. i don't know. family love. i think i'm missing that too. sometimes i wish my family would be more supportive. maybe that's where i lost my confidence. i think i grew out of it in the end. and start building my own core and shield around me to protect myself frm being hurt again.. by my family. but most of all, they're the only i have. we dont choose our parents and they don't choose us either. maybe these happens with first born cos parents are new to the experience and didn't know what to expect. most of it. this idea comforts me. at least something does.

class tday was boring as usual (health psy) but we learned something important tho. abt calculations and graphs and measurements. i think it's important coz we need to use it for our experiments later. anyway, i love the korean video clip.

later.