loooooong day

well it's not tday that is long. today's not bad. went to class n thought of going earlier in the morning to print out notes but izmia woke up even later so we headed to class without the notes but all went well.

well the case abt sher n hendrik happened last nite (last 2 nites actually well sunday nite to be exact) when we were about to head to the pancake shop and enjoy ourselves into some delicious fabulous pancakes. when hendrik came in sher's room and sher started acting out. merajuk n not talking to him suddenly. so he got fed up with her attitude. now he's avoiding n not talking to her at all up to tday. he got really fed up that when we were abt to go home, he didn't come with us. instead he went to the pay phone n called his gf. we chatted anyway that nite on msn. sher cried on the way back home in the bus.

in a way i blame sher bcos she's somehow like taking for granted of all his attention and it's obvious that she expects things from him. which i dont think he can provide much since he's got a gf. but i am also blaming him for putting so much attention to her and flirting with her sometimes and putting her in the spotlight. if he didn't want her, then i guess it would be best to just leave her alone. sometimes i think he's putting her into a position of being hurt by him. maybe he likes her too. i don't know but if he does, he's gotta get rid of his gf then. it wouldn't be fair to the gf. this one-sided love really depresses me and makes me think a lot about relationship and love. it's amazing how much she loves him tho she is aware that he's unavailable to him. but if i were in her shoes, i think i'd just forget abt him and move along with my life. i won't want to waste my time waiting and drooling for the forbidden apple. there's more apples in the.. well.. wherever else there might be. but if i were in his shoes, i'd probably love the attention that i'm getting but... yeah.. as he said.. tak sampai hati to let her merajuk or get mad for long. i think i relate better to hendrik since i've been in his shoes for so many times before. his shoes fits better to me than is sher's. but more than that, i think it would've been better if they had gone separate ways after they knew they can't be together. but that's all already in the past. nothing can change that anymore. it just depresses me to see them like this. they used to be such great friends and we used to laugh a lot abt so many things n such. the world seems quieter now. this thing made jules think a lot abt her ex-bf and makes her wanting to call him. she text him n he did call her back but she was asleep. darn.

i was thinking a lot abt my boo too. but mostly abt how grateful i am with him now and hoping these problems would never ever cross our path.

izmia had a crush for 6 yrs. 6 yrs !! imagine that ! so she relates better to sher. we talked abt how the forbidden love works. the more you can't have them, the more you want them. it takes a while for us to step back and look into the box. we're so engrossed into being inside the box that we forgot how things look outside it. as some man had said, "we're like actors playing in a movie". it's hard to see ourselves when we were acting in it. and it's even harder to look at ourselves playing the part in the movie. judging ourselves frm the outside.

dorah had once said i'm a realistic. sometimes i think that's true. perhaps its with my harsh upbringing. forced to grow. i don't think i'm all grown up now but at some aspects in life i think i've grown into it. most of it are learning the hard way. if only i'd listen more. but i don't regret anything. bcos i think if i had listened, there's nothing left to life. the lesser experience i gain and lesser feelings and understnding i'd have towards others. so i'm glad and happy with what i had and what i am having.

went to the city to pick up the health psy textbook. the others didn't come with us so it was only me, sher, hendrik n albert. the book was bloody heavy.

tonight izmia told sher everything i had told her abt what hendrik was telling me. which is good for sher to know but bad on my part coz once this gets into hendrik's ears he'd not trust me anymore. he's very hard to open up and very secretive. but right now i feel good telling to sher and i don't care how he would feel anymore. i saw how hurt she was and she cried again. she felt unwanted n felt like shit. i know that feeling. i know it very well indeed. she wants to go home. she's very hurt by all this. i told her to keep her attention to her "ipoh guy". hendrik is probably not worth it. probably.

i feel good with the friends i have here. weird combo but with good hearts. izmia showed concern that now she's so close to the 3 of us (me sher n jules) that she's afraid something might happen and break the relationship. i told her as long as we're honest with each other, hopefully everything would be fine. jules said it's part n parcel of getting to know each other. sometimes, i feel afraid too.

i cooked for 3 days now. ns grg. the first one wasn;t bad. the second one which is today's was salty n not as nice. but i had it with lotsa cabbage so it was okay. my vege soup turned out nice. at least that's what my hsemates said. they polished the whole pot. my egg with tomato sauce was really really pedas. finished the egg n threw the sauce out.

i miss mowkie.